ARTWORK

What’s your worst nightmare? Freddie Kruger lurking at the end of your bed, Jason from Friday the 13th revving up his chainsaw, or Hannibal Lecter asking if you “fancy dinner”? Terrifying, yes—but none of them come close to the true menace roaming freely among us: the Michael Jackson stan.

At first glance, they appear perfectly normal. They queue at Tesco. They complain about the weather. They pretend to understand the plot of Tenet. But don’t be fooled. Beneath that deceptively human exterior lies a mind that’s been rewired by years of YouTube compilations, suspiciously enthusiastic fan edits, and a belief system held together with glitter, denial, and whatever’s left of the 1980s.

These aren’t your typical horror-movie monsters. They don’t crave blood, brains, or even a decent night’s sleep. No, their hunger is far more disturbing: an insatiable appetite for glorifying the world’s most eccentric pop enigma. While the rest of us are powered by coffee, carbs, and existential dread, they run exclusively on conspiracy theories, dodgy fan blogs, and the sheer adrenaline rush of typing “DO YOUR RESEARCH” in all caps at strangers online.

You might assume they have souls—after all, they cast reflections and don’t hiss in direct sunlight—but don’t be fooled. Their inner life consists solely of defending their idol with the fervour of a medieval knight who’s had one too many meads. They’ll demonise anyone who so much as raises an eyebrow at their beloved King of Poop, and they do it with the kind of zeal that makes cult leaders say, “Alright, calm down.”

As anticipation builds for the riotous documentary Trial by Media: A Michael Jackson Stan Story, brace yourself for a gallery of artwork that rips the mask off this peculiar fandom. Think of it as a guided safari through the wild, uncharted territory of stan psychology. You’ll encounter grotesque caricatures, shadow-dwelling superfans, and creatures who can recite Jackson’s entire discography faster than you can say “Smooth Criminal.”

Keep a torch handy. Not because you’ll need it for safety, but because if a stan spots you in the dark, they’ll corner you and begin a 45‑minute lecture on why every allegation ever made is part of a global plot orchestrated by jealous haters, the Illuminati, and possibly your neighbour’s cat.

Enter at your own risk. And whatever you do, don’t mention Leaving Neverland.