A Michael Jackson Stan Story

The world has gone completely pear‑shaped. Civilisation has collapsed, not because of plague, famine, or nuclear war, but because an army of hyper‑online Michael Jackson stans has spilled out of their bedrooms and into the streets. Armed with ring lights, dodgy “debunking threads,” and an unshakeable belief that every criticism is a government conspiracy, they’ve turned Britain into a glitter‑dusted warzone.

In a gloomy Birmingham cemetery, Judith is just trying to pay her respects when she’s ambushed by a particularly enthusiastic stan who insists on performing a full reenactment of the “Smooth Criminal” lean while shouting about “fake news.” Panicked, Judith legs it across the gravestones and dives into the nearest caravan, only to discover she’s not alone. Inside is Jonathan, a fellow survivor who’s been hiding out since a group of stans tried to force‑feed him a 12‑hour compilation of “rare MJ moments.”

The caravan—fibreglass, slightly damp, and smelling faintly of old custard creams—becomes their bunker. Outside, the stans prowl in packs, chanting in unison, “HE WAS PROVEN INNOCENT,” despite nobody asking. They roam with glazed eyes and weaponised enthusiasm, ready to convert any unsuspecting soul into yet another foot soldier of the Glorification Army.

Judith and Jonathan, refusing to be indoctrinated, arm themselves with the finest tools of British survival: a broomstick, a frying pan, and a half‑charged Nokia they can lob as a last resort. They practise defensive manoeuvres, including the crucial “duck and cover when someone starts moonwalking toward you.”

Days pass. Supplies dwindle. The stans grow bolder, attempting to breach the caravan by sliding leaflets under the door titled “10 Reasons the Media Lied to You (Number 7 Will Shock You).” One particularly determined stan even tries to lure them out by playing “Man in the Mirror” on a portable speaker at full blast.

Yet Judith and Jonathan stand firm. They are the last flicker of reason in a world drowning in sequinned hysteria. They cling to their sanity, their frying pan, and the faint hope that one day the Wi‑Fi will go out nationwide, forcing the stans to return to their natural habitat: arguing with strangers online instead of in person.

But time is running out. Will our heroes escape the stan apocalypse with their minds intact? Or will they finally crack and start insisting that sleeping in the same bed as strangers is “just misunderstood”?

In a society where fandom has mutated into full‑blown cultism, Judith and Jonathan are the final line of defence between normality and a world where every conversation ends with “Actually, if you watch this three‑hour documentary…”

Trial by Media: A Michael Jackson Stan Story.

Coming soon—whether you like it or not.